Perception is Power | Emotional Bulldozers
Many times, we encounter things that are disappointing, frustrating, discouraging or painful. We might label these as obstacles or roadblocks. If you are like me, my solution is to put my blinders on and start the emotional bulldozer to get through whatever it is. In this state, I lose my sensitivity to others and their emotional states. I just have to get through to the other side as quickly as possible and feel as little as I can.
Recently, there was an experience that gave me an eye-opening reminder of the danger of not feeling your way through a tough time. I was talking to an athlete about a recent competition, where she performed really well. Everything was falling into place for her until one play. This was the moment when she and the referee found themselves face to face in disagreement, and her entire game was ruined. She was irate about a questionable call, and her focus and energy turned from being sharp and positive to distracted and negative. She went on and on telling me about the referee and the call. She finally ended by saying how it was all the ref’s fault for her reaction and the ultimate result of the match.
Late in my swimming career, I learned the term Dualistic Thinking, and I have found it’s application in almost every area of my life since. This is the idea that the facts and events are constant and measurable, however, our internal interpretation of these events are put on a continuum.
Think about my young athlete’s example. The call was made, let’s just say the ball went to the baseline, and it was hard to see exactly where the ball landed. Then, the referee makes the call to the best of his or her knowledge- this is the event. Following the call, we see one player relieved and agreeable to the call and the other is frustrated and angry. We can go as far to say that there is a person parking their bike outside the arena, who hears the call and really doesn’t care either way. The ruling of the call didn’t change, but the reactions to it are vastly different… Why?
Perhaps it is the consequences that follow- like a point to the other team, or perhaps we attach ourselves to the meaning and thus the play becomes a reflection of us. Either way, recognizing that the call doesn’t change is the important part. Only we have the power to change ourselves.
I love this concept in mental toughness training, and I think being able to see the spectrum of perspectives around a situation is a crucial skill for any athlete or person wanting to improve themselves. Diving into this moment of frustration with an event requires us to feel and be present. We can’t turn on our emotional bulldozers and just get through if we want a growth mindset. We have to pause, feel, and reflect on what we are able to control at that moment.
My advice for facing tough times include a few simple questions:
- What are the things you can control in this situation?
- Have you given up your choice by allowing others to determine your reactions?
- How can I use this challenge as an opportunity for growth?
Keep going!
Lacey
